It's Always About Eternity

Last night I ran into my cousin whose life told a story of one who has endured endless pain, suffering and disappointment, yet last night she reflected glory, beauty and grace. I told her so. I looked into her eyes and explained the perfect exquisiteness she was, at that very moment, beholding. She is a mother of three beaming boys - ages eight, six and two - and recently became a newlywed again. Despite knowing her intense past and experiencing the endurance of her suffering, I looked longingly at her glowing countenance and wondered why it wasn't me.

Her sister was whose wedding we were attending. I did not covet the exorbitant yet grandiose collection of white organza and pink satin flowing gracefully from her shapely figure, yet the sparkle in her eye captured peace and satisfaction beyond the vows she was yet to recite. Her countenance emitted peace, despite the whirlwind of chaos and decisions abounding right outside the bridal suite's door. She was about to make a lifelong commitment to a man she's only known for a short time and was publicly proclaiming her diligence in maintaining purity for this one man who had done the same. Entering into a vast unknown of sacrifice and dedication, of committing to no longer thinking of herself first, to setting aside her own goals and dreams to meet the expectations of someone else...I again wondered why that could not be me.

Then last night on the three hour return trip to my home from the site of the wedding, my granddad, Granky, was my passenger, and we spent hours in discussion - just me and him. Granky is 79 years old and beholds a life of wisdom, from both wise decisions and foolish mistakes. He has loved the Lord for more decades than I have been alive and planted seeds in my heart and my faith that have sprouted into vines that grow like weeds, thirsting for nourishment at each step of the way. He told me about my grandmother who was eternally glorified in 2002 - in what ways I reflected her spirit and what an amazing woman she was. We discussed the omnipetence and omniscience of the Lord Jesus Christ, and rejoiced in the glory that we are His heirs, with the inability to be separated from His love. Granky reminisced about the early days - we talked of how his missions endeavors ignited a generational passion that the Lord continues to stir within me today. He brought up his Sunday school lesson for the upcoming week and we engaged in the excitement that we were studying the same promises of God hundreds of miles apart, resting wholeheartedly upon the fact that there is therefore no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. In the midst of his pondering, I concluded to myself how thankful I am to be me.

And tonight, as I sit here in the stillness of a quiet home, the only one awake after a long day of family, football and fellowship, I look back upon today. There was a time this morning when I was frustrated about petty moments. There was a time when I was concerned about the aesthetic appearance of my plentiful desserts. For a brief moment, I even questinoed if I had the appropriate earrings for a family engagement where I was the youngest in years by nearly 30. Last night I left a bag of favorite jewelry at the church after the wedding, and until I knew that someone had found it this morning, my mood quickly dwindled to a sober, depressive state that had no merit and permeated to anyone within glaring distance. I allowed the insignificant matters of the day to consume my joy and remove my passion.

I let go of the eternal perspective. It seems that God always brings me back to that. In an ironic bout with Thanksgiving today, I forgot why I was thankful and concentrated on what had gone awry in my endeavors. But tonight I was reminded in the source of my satisfaction - in the eternal significance of my decisions. Regardless of who I want to be, who I wish I was, or what I would like to become, I have been given gifts - amazing gifts - and God is molding me daily into exactly what He wants me to be. When the only reward that I am seeing is one defined by the world around me, I am brought back to the underlying truth - that "the deepest reward is in the very fact that we will become what our Creator intends us to become..." (Iosif Ton) He intends to use me however He desires and will change my desires to match His, if I will only submit to His guidance and will. Psalm 37:4

Today (once again), I let go of what I want now for what He wants in His everlasting greatness. I let go of my desires so that I can rest in His peace when He replaces my desires with His and fulfills me in purpose and in love. The decisions that I willfully make today are making me into a very specific person, and the person I am today is preparing me for the person I will be in all of eternity. Today is the only day I have to prepare for the rest of eternity. Today is the only day that I can make a difference in another's life...make a difference for eternity. Tomorrow Christ returns, and in the split second moment between life and death, I lose the chance to make an eternal difference.

Everything that I was longing for last night, God has already fulfilled. He has gone before me - every time I wish that I had the life of someone else, I deny the power and plan in which God has devoted 26 years. He has made me for a mission today, and I am to be prepared for that task. I am to be prepared for eternity. I must be prepared for right now.

I prepare for today by looking at eternity. I prepare for eternity by looking at today.