Freedom...again
It seems that I am always thinking about 'freedom' and what it feels like to really be free. But in all actuality, I don't think about it enough. I forget about the fact that Christ has released me from the oppressing bondage that sin has on my life. I forget that He became a man so that I might be released of condemnation and set free to share His gospel -
But I'm thinking about a different freedom. Last night I started a women's Bible study at IBC on Romans - the title of it is "Free: Released to Be Uniquely Me." Last night I saw a perfect picture of who I could be in Christ - if only...
After Jesus had risen and was in the Upper Room with the disciples, He ministered and shared his heart with them. Even Peter, who had denied Christ three times, was sitting there next to Christ. You can be sure that Peter regretted his numerous words of denial (yes...three times in less than 12 hours) but was thanking God for the opportunity to be there in Christ's presence at the moment. Think about Judas - the one who gave Jesus up for 30 pieces of silver and betrayed Him with a kiss. Judas had so much regret, remorse, and sorrow - so much pain that he couldn't bear it and went up a hill where he hung himself and committed suicide. Judas himself was his greatest critic and knew he had failed Christ, and yet he kept his head down and his eyes closed to the obvious characteristics of love and compassion Jesus was so dying (literally) to share with him. Do you not think, that at the moment Jesus was sharing with the disciples in the upper room, that He was wishing Judas was also sitting there next to Him? He wanted to release Judas from the bondage he was harboring inside and show him the glory of living amidst the presence of the Lord - release peace and quiet into his heart. That's what He did for Peter. That's what He has done for you and me. But Judas had taken it upon himself to make that decision and that judgment.
Sometimes I feel like Judas - well, sometimes I am Judas. I do things that completely deny Christ of my heart and my life. He wants to release me through love and forgiveness so that I can be uniquely me - that unforgiven sin and deep regret won't keep me from seeking His will for my life. There are many times that I feel too ashamed to go to Christ - even times that I am too embarrassed or ashamed about myself to be who I am in front of a group of friends. I am fearful of their judgment. I am scared that if I share what Christ has given me - if I share the uniqueness He created in me - it won't be accepted and I will be rejected. I look to friend and foe to make a decision about what makes me beautiful, what makes me great. I look left and right...up and down...for acceptance, for grace, for answers. I look in the wrong places, for I am Judas. Judas could have taken his eyes off the ground and looked across the hill of Calvary and put his eyes on the cross, stepped down off the stool he was using to reach the noose, got on His knees, and said "Father, forgive me. Your will, not mine."
I saw a picture of freedom last night - God gave me a vision of just who I can be in Him as long as I no longer remain hindered by fear, by sin, by doubt. I am to walk with faith and know that if I delight in Him, He will grant me the desires of my heart (Psalm 37:4). And I saw that desire just a few hours ago. Now to wait and see...
"Father, forgive me for going ahead of you and being who my friends, family, and even strangers think I should be. Your will, not mine."
But I'm thinking about a different freedom. Last night I started a women's Bible study at IBC on Romans - the title of it is "Free: Released to Be Uniquely Me." Last night I saw a perfect picture of who I could be in Christ - if only...
After Jesus had risen and was in the Upper Room with the disciples, He ministered and shared his heart with them. Even Peter, who had denied Christ three times, was sitting there next to Christ. You can be sure that Peter regretted his numerous words of denial (yes...three times in less than 12 hours) but was thanking God for the opportunity to be there in Christ's presence at the moment. Think about Judas - the one who gave Jesus up for 30 pieces of silver and betrayed Him with a kiss. Judas had so much regret, remorse, and sorrow - so much pain that he couldn't bear it and went up a hill where he hung himself and committed suicide. Judas himself was his greatest critic and knew he had failed Christ, and yet he kept his head down and his eyes closed to the obvious characteristics of love and compassion Jesus was so dying (literally) to share with him. Do you not think, that at the moment Jesus was sharing with the disciples in the upper room, that He was wishing Judas was also sitting there next to Him? He wanted to release Judas from the bondage he was harboring inside and show him the glory of living amidst the presence of the Lord - release peace and quiet into his heart. That's what He did for Peter. That's what He has done for you and me. But Judas had taken it upon himself to make that decision and that judgment.
Sometimes I feel like Judas - well, sometimes I am Judas. I do things that completely deny Christ of my heart and my life. He wants to release me through love and forgiveness so that I can be uniquely me - that unforgiven sin and deep regret won't keep me from seeking His will for my life. There are many times that I feel too ashamed to go to Christ - even times that I am too embarrassed or ashamed about myself to be who I am in front of a group of friends. I am fearful of their judgment. I am scared that if I share what Christ has given me - if I share the uniqueness He created in me - it won't be accepted and I will be rejected. I look to friend and foe to make a decision about what makes me beautiful, what makes me great. I look left and right...up and down...for acceptance, for grace, for answers. I look in the wrong places, for I am Judas. Judas could have taken his eyes off the ground and looked across the hill of Calvary and put his eyes on the cross, stepped down off the stool he was using to reach the noose, got on His knees, and said "Father, forgive me. Your will, not mine."
I saw a picture of freedom last night - God gave me a vision of just who I can be in Him as long as I no longer remain hindered by fear, by sin, by doubt. I am to walk with faith and know that if I delight in Him, He will grant me the desires of my heart (Psalm 37:4). And I saw that desire just a few hours ago. Now to wait and see...
"Father, forgive me for going ahead of you and being who my friends, family, and even strangers think I should be. Your will, not mine."
posted by amy at 9/13/2005 10:46:00 AM
2 Comments:
Ames, I've just read all three of your posts and I have several comments that I will "clump" together under this post:
1. You are precious and your thoughts are precious. Thanks for sharing them with us.
2. Freedom is never cheap. Ever. Thank you for reminding me that my God has given me a very costly gift.
3. I choose the sunshine, rainbows and dreams, because sometimes reality is too painful…and too ugly. Avoiding pain at all cost: Is that what’s important to me? Maybe. Character flaw? Yes. Hey, I'm just a work in progress.
4. In all eternity, Amy’s life DOES matter.
Where's the dissortation on pluralism?
Post a Comment
<< Home