On Surrender
I don't know where this thought came from, and if I've had it before or if it's a new thing. The main query here is "why?" It all starts on a cool brisk day near the autumnal equinox, when the days gradually begin the descent towards being shorter than the nights, and the passion to be 'just who God made me to be' is in its most ever-present existence. Yesterday was a day full of bitterness and frustration...almost an ominous presence of fear and confusion. Today there's clarity and maybe even a minute sense of peace, but no questions have been answered. (no...tell me it's not true...tell me I'm not like every other woman whose moods are determined by her emotions and stereotypical 'chemical inbalances'!) Unfortunately, I am. I am a human being created with just particles of dust and spoken words from the Almighty. I am made of mistakes, insecurites, fleshly desires, sinful habits...and yet crafted by the hand of the King of Kings. How is this possible?
God is a very gracious and considerate God. He loves us so much that we have a choice whether or not we want to love Him and follow Him. So I make the choice to follow Him. I give my life to Him. I pledge to love the Lord with my heart, soul, mind and spirit. I commit to go into the world and preach the gospel to all the nations, and I even promise to love my neighbor as myself (which is a whole heck of a lot!) Now on to the practical matters...my wants, desires, problems and decisions. What do I do with them? Give them to God? "Okay, God, here you go - you can have them!"
Anyone who knows me knows that I need a 3-step process for doing anything. Please give me a list with little check boxes so I can know exactly what's left to be done! Unfortunately, even though God created my mind to work that way, He wants me to be a little more open-minded, faithful and trustworthy in order to figure this one out. Surrender. When I've got something burdening me...hmmm, let's take money for example. I had to drop my car off at the doctor yesterday and spend money set aside for bills to make it well again. So frustrating! Okay, God, take my money situation and make it yours so I stop worrying. So this morning, when a friend was talking about surrendering a situation of hers, God placed this thought in my head...
"Stop trying to give me little modular aspects of your life - I don't want your money situation or your relationship situation..." What? You don't want my money and my relationship to be yours? "No Amy...I want YOU to be mine." Get OUT! No way. That's it?
That's it. Only until I am able to give Him everything...
I just wonder what God thinks of me. Sometimes I feel so foolish giving the same Sunday School answers and making the same mistakes over and over again. Surrender isn't about handing over something minimal to the feet of Christ, it's about having your life (your whole, entire, all-encompassing LIFE) in such a place that it is already His. Surrender is not waiting on God to fulfill your personal desires - surrender is making your desires His by delighting in Him first. Psalm 37:4...in my own words, of course. Maybe this is something I should have realized before, but it was just so profound today. It's like being a financial planner - people come in and ask us to look at one aspect of their financial plan - their retirement, their cash flow, their children's education - so we run what's called a "modular analysis" to give them an answer. Between you and me, this is not effective. I can tell you how much you need to retire, but does your cash flow sufficiently reflect that? Your kids need education funds, but how is that going to affect your retirement goals? You see, God doesn't even offer modular plans - He looks at the big picture all the time and wishes we would too. Surrender is a life decision, not a moment - surrender is having a broken and contrite spirit, coming humbly before the Lord, denying everything you ever wanted for yourself and saying "Here am I, send me."
Come to think of it, I've had this thought before, because I'm so tired from trying and trying and trying to 'get my life in the right place'. Instead, the Father says to come to Him and He will give rest to the weary, for His yoke is easy and His burden is light. Drop everything - just drop it ALL right now, Amy. It's His. It's not yours. God doesn't want your money, God wants your LIFE.
God is a very gracious and considerate God. He loves us so much that we have a choice whether or not we want to love Him and follow Him. So I make the choice to follow Him. I give my life to Him. I pledge to love the Lord with my heart, soul, mind and spirit. I commit to go into the world and preach the gospel to all the nations, and I even promise to love my neighbor as myself (which is a whole heck of a lot!) Now on to the practical matters...my wants, desires, problems and decisions. What do I do with them? Give them to God? "Okay, God, here you go - you can have them!"
Anyone who knows me knows that I need a 3-step process for doing anything. Please give me a list with little check boxes so I can know exactly what's left to be done! Unfortunately, even though God created my mind to work that way, He wants me to be a little more open-minded, faithful and trustworthy in order to figure this one out. Surrender. When I've got something burdening me...hmmm, let's take money for example. I had to drop my car off at the doctor yesterday and spend money set aside for bills to make it well again. So frustrating! Okay, God, take my money situation and make it yours so I stop worrying. So this morning, when a friend was talking about surrendering a situation of hers, God placed this thought in my head...
"Stop trying to give me little modular aspects of your life - I don't want your money situation or your relationship situation..." What? You don't want my money and my relationship to be yours? "No Amy...I want YOU to be mine." Get OUT! No way. That's it?
That's it. Only until I am able to give Him everything...
I just wonder what God thinks of me. Sometimes I feel so foolish giving the same Sunday School answers and making the same mistakes over and over again. Surrender isn't about handing over something minimal to the feet of Christ, it's about having your life (your whole, entire, all-encompassing LIFE) in such a place that it is already His. Surrender is not waiting on God to fulfill your personal desires - surrender is making your desires His by delighting in Him first. Psalm 37:4...in my own words, of course. Maybe this is something I should have realized before, but it was just so profound today. It's like being a financial planner - people come in and ask us to look at one aspect of their financial plan - their retirement, their cash flow, their children's education - so we run what's called a "modular analysis" to give them an answer. Between you and me, this is not effective. I can tell you how much you need to retire, but does your cash flow sufficiently reflect that? Your kids need education funds, but how is that going to affect your retirement goals? You see, God doesn't even offer modular plans - He looks at the big picture all the time and wishes we would too. Surrender is a life decision, not a moment - surrender is having a broken and contrite spirit, coming humbly before the Lord, denying everything you ever wanted for yourself and saying "Here am I, send me."
Come to think of it, I've had this thought before, because I'm so tired from trying and trying and trying to 'get my life in the right place'. Instead, the Father says to come to Him and He will give rest to the weary, for His yoke is easy and His burden is light. Drop everything - just drop it ALL right now, Amy. It's His. It's not yours. God doesn't want your money, God wants your LIFE.
posted by amy at 9/29/2005 10:11:00 AM
2 Comments:
amen
To surrender completely is the most difficult thing to do, it allows someone else to control your life - something no one is entirely comfortable to release!
I'm there with ya...I'd rather hand over subcategories of my life than the category!
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